I get a lot of questions on how to manifest the partner you’ve always dreamt of, or how to change a certain pattern of attracting partners in your life.
I know from experience that identifying the patterns on which you base your entire love life is just not enough to make a change. Yes, it is a crucial point in realising what is faulty, or not working the way you’d consider it should, but it is not enough.
I have this conversation on a regular basis with everyone who decides it is time to start making things differently. And the first thing you need to consider, is to shift your focus from ‘ the partner ‘ to yourself.
Attracting the right person in your life , and manifesting him/her, has an only ingredient recipe, and that ingredient is YOU.
When I first realised that my relationships were a rewrite, each time bringing in and mixing in different spices, and having the same result, I kind of had an epiphany moment. I can clearly remember the moment when, after a bad breakup, I was crying and suddenly heard myself asking what on earth I was really crying over. And then it hit me I was not crying for the loss of a man in my life, or a certain status, but I was crying for the fact of not knowing what love feels like. Yes, I did care for every man in my life, but up to that point I haven’t had experienced love.
So, at the age of 24 I knew basically what I didn’t want in a relationship, and had no clue whatsoever on what I would really want to experience. Yes, we all want love. But how much love are you willing to give? Do you know how, do you know what that feels like? Is your love unconditional, or is it conditioning you very existence?
That was the start of my journey in finding out what love feels like, and seeing the prospected relationship from the point of what I can genuinely offer, and not asking for anything in particular in return.
The common misconception about relationships is that we need to receive something in return for our time, attention, affection etc. When you start it like that, no wonder your unfulfilled expectations hurt like hell.
I come from a free judgement place, and I know for a fact, that every given relationship is exactly what you make of it. Stereotypes should have no place between the interaction of two people. As unconventional as your relationship might be, the only focus you should keep on is ‘ what can I offer, and what do I need to experience?’.
Your type of relationship and the dynamics of it just reflect what goes inside of yourself. Is there conflict, secrecy, darkness, doubts, self worth issues? That is exactly what you bring on to the table.
I see a lot of crap going around on manifesting the ‘ perfect ‘ partner, the soul mate, the twin flame, or whatever you might want to call him/her. And the insidious manipulation that you can get Zeus or Aphrodite as your lover by only setting your mind to it. And the only question I have for them is ‘ are you truly ready? ‘. If what you’re manifesting as a partner is just a mere action of concentration and mind control, I can assure the results will be as vain as a thought who lacks direction and energy.
It is well known that sometimes what we think we want is not even nearly close to what we truly desire at a soul level, or what we need.
So, a key in either getting the partner of your desires, or making a long lasting change in your current relationship, is engaging your soul. Is getting in contact with your most intimate desires and start clearing away everything that you hold on to at a cellular lever and does not serve you in any way.
I’ve been a mistress for seven years, and that particular kind of relationship taught me so much about myself, about what I really need and long for, and about all the bullshit I had on top of my purest desires, not allowing myself to experience and to offer the very best version of myself.
And the best lesson I learned in this relationship was the importance of US. The only thing which is important is where we stand in terms of dynamics, intimacy, communication, because at the end of the day, how you feel the connection between ‘ you ‘ and ‘ I ‘ is the very purpose of ‘ Us ‘.
It is not about how you make me feel, but rather how and what I feel when I’m with you. It is not about what you need to give me, but rather what I can make of what you offer. Perspective is the main tool I learned to use in supporting the ‘ Us ‘, not creating illusion, but amplifying the joy, the simplicity, the excitement of being an ‘ Us ‘.
In official relationships we do forget the simple joy of being together. The celebration of shared feelings fades along with identity, desires, passions, and turns into a battle where both sides loose.
I’ve said this before, but at every level there is a suitable partner to support your evolution. If you don’t like the one you have, or used to have, stop lying to yourself, and start meeting up your true needs and desires. And along this process, don’t judge those who come to serve you as a mirror, and don’t judge yourself for not fitting the box of relationships.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t need a husband, boyfriend, lover, concubine etc, I just need my partner in crime, my adventure partner, even if that adventure turns out to be a shopping spree on a crowded holiday. I need that person to share with moments of excitement, pure joy, goofiness, blissful pleasure, silence, intimacy, love. I don’t need a person to check bullet points on a long list of ‘ perfection ‘. And I want my partner to just light up as himself and dare to experience all his fantasies, knowing that I’m there to support, encourage and enjoy his brilliance.
And that kind of relationship you can have the moment you know who you are, what you desire for, and that you are the only one responsible for what you get.
The responsibility of what you experience is only yours. If it is time to change, that is only up to you.
If you think you need a better partner, then it is time to meet a better you!