The most important thing I realized over the years is, when talking about deep intimacy with your partner, if you don´t take care of your inner bullshit, then the distance between you and your significant one increases.
So, I had this issue at one point with my lover when, as much as I loved him, or tried to, when it got down to intimacy I was completely numb. I could feel his body, I could feel desire, but then again, something missed. That passion I felt towards him when not engaging in an intercourse suddenly disappeared, when in fact it should have expanded and enhanced.
I was somehow stuck between loving him and not being able to express that love through my actions, so sex became just that, sex.
One night a thought came to my mind” who are you taking to your bed?”.
At first, I didn´t realize what it meant, but, that question invaded my thoughts until I just sat my ass down, dove deep within myself and there it was this image of a chamber with a huge bed in the middle. My partner was waiting for me on the other side of the bed, and, as I approached him, strange silhouettes were surpassing me and jumping right in the middle of the bed. Every step towards my love meant more” persons” between us. I sensed a deep feeling of anger, I wanted everyone out of the room, I started crying… well let’s say that was the starting point of a meltdown.
Funny how things work sometimes, the moment I calmed down and decided I want to know and see who these people were, they turned their faces, and I was shocked to see they were all me, expressing different emotions like shame, anger, resentment, guilt, fear of not being enough, fear of abandonment, pain, revenge, judgment, limiting beliefs and behavioral patterns.
Everyone in that room had a story, a reason, and they all wanted acceptance, love, and mostly to be freed. It was kind of funny seeing the hole picture. It was like my Black Widow was getting along quite nicely with Don Juan de Marco of my lover, and his Chuckie did in fact had a Bride on my side. In a very morbid way it was kind of silly how we were so” perfect” for each other.
I had to do a lot of clearing and healing, so I could make my way towards myself first. It was painfully at first, and so empowering afterwards. Letting go of traumas and letting in confidence and awareness took me and my relationships to a whole new level of connection and understanding.
I had a chance right there on the spot to acknowledge that distance between two people can be miles long, even though on physical plane they are connected.
Imagine this: you and your partner laying in bed on a side facing each other, and right there, between you two, in that tight space lies a universe that keeps your souls apart. That dense energy is like a thick and impenetrable wall.
How are you going to be able to connect to your loved one when shame or guilt is touching him or her? How can you really be alone, just the two of you, your pure essence and passion, and life force creating something new and more beautiful, when your souls are light years apart?
It´s basically like you are trying to make love in a hazmat suit.
Whether you are a male or a female, just ask yourself today who do you take to your bed?
And, if it feels crowded enough, I suggest you start being honest with yourself. Stop pretending to receive anything, from pleasure, passion to love, and make some room for that to express within yourself and towards your loved one.
Everything that we want is hidden somewhere inside. You just need to turn on the lights and decide that you need to be alone, your true self without those shady aspects which will eventually take physical form and make you deal with them one way or another.
So, if you decide to do it alone, please be gentle and loving to yourself. If you decide you want a quicker way, reach out to me or to any other person that works with whatever kind of therapy to help and guide you.
The best way to ecstatic experiences in bed is first getting all the strangers out!
What will you choose today?
Lots of Love,