A big part of working with my clients is educating them in communication.
We all grew up shushed all the times towards what we can say or not, what is adequate and what is not socially acceptable.
When it comes to sexuality and intimacy, we are so strangled by all the ties created over the years, that what there is left is just an emission of sounds. We talk alright, but do we really comunicate? Do we really know how to let our partners know what we do like or not, what we want in terms of sexual exploration?
Many of the people I meet have no clue how it feels like to firstly figure out for themselves what they need, and then let their partners know about it.
Most of us are scared that the significant other will judge, will not understand, that he/she might take it the wrong way, or just leave us.
There is no way around the subject other than approaching it directly and natural, as part of a growing up of the relationship.
When your sex life goes in the boredom area, when your needs are unmet, the only way to start changing that is having the damn talk.
It’s just you making the choice to go from unhappy sex to the journey of pleasure. And everyone wants pleasure island!
But how many are truly ready to own their own sexuality and start sharing it?
So, if your sex life is in a rut, or your sexual preferences have changed, or you just simply feel the need to explore what there is to experience I have a few tips:
1. Acknowledge the problem and decide it is time to take action in order for something to change in the way you feel your own sexuality, and the way you experience your intimacy.
2.Have the TALK with your partner regarding your sex life, intimacy, relationship, and open up to eachother. Don’t focus on what is going wrong, just decide on what actions you can take together to improve. You’ll be surprised how liberating it will feel
3. Take your sex life out of the bed,out of the house! I’m not talking of having sex in a public place( even though that can be really exciting
), I’m talking about going to a sex coach, sex therapist, local workshops on increasing pleasure, tantra or anything that you can do together, like going to a sex shop, buying a massage table and practice erotic massage (there are a lot of tutorials on the internet and online classes). I always suggest erotic massage as a first step to rekindle and discover eachother. It makes wonders! Invest time, money and commitment into it, and I promise is so fucking worth it!
4. Commit to the journey, and, since it takes two to tango, be receptive of your needs. If on some levels you don’t click, make sure you can create a space for the other one to fully explore his/her sexuality and be supportive.
5. The only rule that goes along with everything is communication. Be upfront, be opened, build up trust and have a ton of fun.
Nothing can go wrong as long as you are true to yourself and to the one you’re experiencing sex with.
The secret to all mastery is just PRACTICE!
Enjoy the ride !